Monday, January 9, 2012

Objects in Mirror...

Sometimes I think blogging is really and incredibly strange.

When I having a conversation with someone and they mention my blog when we are face-to-face, I get all embarrassed. I start to tell them a story, and they say, "Oh! I read that on your blog!" Or they come up to me and say, "Oh, I just love your blog!" or better yet, "That picture you took of your kids is so adorable!" Without fail, my response is, "You read that?" I'm always shocked. And equally shy about it and eager to change the subject.

Friends will compliment me on my writing and I always get red in the face. I'm still amazed that anyone other than myself and my husband would want to read about my little life happenings that occur during my day to day.

People also ask how I do it all. Or they suggest to me that my life looks ideal, easy, and "perfectly put together", or that I must be "laid back". While I am beyond content with how things work around here, "perfectly put together" is not an adequate description of my life and if I'm being honest, my household is pretty high maintenance and not at all laid back.  We are budgeted, list makers, and rule enforcers. And we work mighty hard to keep this ship afloat.

So allow me to tell you all the secret to my success. Here is the thing about blogging:

It's completely up to me to choose what to post on here.

It's as if I have the ability to paint a picture of what my life looks like. Everything I've ever written is true, but I don't always air out all of my dirty laundry on here. Sometimes I will, because I do believe that it helps me to process the situation and look at it more positively. I also believe that if I can be vulnerable, then maybe it can help someone feel less alone in their own situation. But usually, I keep the heavy stuff to myself. Why?

1. I honestly don't think it'd be something you'd want to read. I'm too honest to sugar coat my short comings and the result would more than likely end up in a jumbled rant of Arggggh!
2. Some things are "what happens in this household stays in this household" kind of private.
3. I like to focus on the good, not the bad. I don't want to get too wrapped up in the bad stuff. Choosing to live with joy is hard enough without choosing to dwell on life's storms.

My life is wonderful. I'm exactly where I feel I'm meant to be. That being said, please don't think that it's always rainbows, unicorns and cupcakes around these parts. Because what you don't see...

are the dishes piling sky high, never to be done.
or the clothes exploding from the baskets, never to be put in the drawers.
or the arguments over teaching what the Bible says about certain things rather that what the boys' teachers say about them.
or the stress of juggling multiple volunteering gigs, and being a mom and wife.
or the division of my time that going back to work has caused our family.
or the times that I lose my cool over stupid stuff.
or the struggles for me to accept this post-kiddo body.
or the terror of having a problem with anxiety.
or the fears I have about both Brayden and Gage's well-being.

This is why blogging is strange. I sat back and asked myself the other day what it is I feel when I read other blogs; friends blogs even. When I see other mom's beautiful photos of their sweet children, or read accounts of crafts and cooking all day long, do I feel envy or inspiration? When I see their 1000+ followers, do I wish my blog was like theirs or do I feel happy for them? I'll be honest that I go back and forth. On tough days, I pull the woe is me card. Most of the time though, I feel inspired.

And if I do feel envious, I remind myself that blogs are weird. People get to choose what aspects up their lives they showcase. Nobody is "perfectly put together."

And if that doesn't work, I remind myself that my life's worth is measured in smiles, the smiles of my babies, the smiles of my husband, and the smiles of myself. My own contentment is not determined by that of another. Contentment is not to be measured against another's life. It is to be measured by way of a wise heart, fully focused on what is given and not on what is lacking.

But still ... blogging is strange.

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