Tuesday, June 7, 2011
I want to do well in my mothering my children more than I have ever wanted to do well in anything before in my life.
Some women let natural instinct take over and some women are go with the flow. And I am neither one of those. I am the type of mom who surrounds herself with love, an amazing support system, passionate ideals, faith, and as much information as I can grasp because I strongly believe that if I am constantly moving forward to better myself then that will be reflected in my children.
I'm not hitting the level I need to, not yet, but I'm keeping up, I'm moving forward each day in the hope that this time, or next time, or the time after that, I will bridge the gap between here and there. Every now and then I get small indecipherable pictures of their futures, little emotional hits of possibilities that I can't yet make sense of. How I am raising them will pay off in the long run.
I do know one thing. Over what remains of the rest of my journey I want to squeeze out every bit of potential I have and throw it all on the metaphorical canvas of my life. I want to never feel the need, not ever, not even once, to make myself bigger or smaller than what I am. I want to learn how change is made and creativity fostered, I want to share beauty and incite courage. If I can't, as I once read, go back and make the details of my past pretty, then I will be damn sure to make my life as a whole beautiful. And in turn make theirs as bright as can be.