Friday, June 10, 2011

Growing Up

My mind has always had a knack for running away with itself,  left to ponder the great questions of my life.  I'm a reflective and inquisitive person.  Or maybe I'm not and that's the anxiety that's so deeply ingrained inside of me, either way. 

At times I find myself so amazed at where the road has taken me that I have to literally stop to catch my breath.  I'm a married.  I'm a mother in charge of two little lives.  I'm an adult.  And even though I'm 27 years old I still feel like the 17 year old me most of the time.  But I'm not her, am I?  I'm a grown up woman.

When I was a little girl I would go on and on about what I wanted to be when I grew up, my choices often changing with the wind. (Artist, Choreographer, Poet, Author)  Nowadays I find myself pondering the futures of my boys, wondering who they will become as they grow up and face the world.

Time marched on, never slowing.  It seems like my own childhood passed with the blink of an eye, key moments and memories standing out as important, but overall a thing of the past.  Pondering the concept of time has been a pretty regular thing for me now as mother who watches her children change and grow literally overnight, and daily I find myself saying things like "where has the time gone?"

The older we get, the more aware of time passing we become, our internal clocks ticking away.  It's a daunting thing to think that in September 28 years of my life will have passed.  I wonder, would my 8 year old self be happy with the life that I have now?  And when Brayden is 28, would the 8 year old boy that he is now approve of the niche he carved out for himself?  Same goes for Gage, will he be happy with the way he turned out?

I think about this sort of thing a lot, mostly when I lay my head down to sleep at night and the events of the day coming rushing back at me like a flood to be catalogued into memories.  I'm one of the lucky ones because I can honestly say that my life right now is amazing and that I truely adore who I've grown up to be, and above all else I wish for the same for my sons.

1 comment:

Chana@ Mamma Town said...

Amen sista. I'm understanding what you are feeling on every single level. Lovely and beautiful!