I've been a weird place for awhile now, probably longer than I would actually admit to if you asked me. Where as a normal day used to pass me by in the blink of an eye, I'm not stopping to examine just how we do things in our family. I want to know, what kind of a mother am I?
I want to raise my boys to the absolute best of my ability. Heck, I want to raise them beyond even whatever the best of my ability is. I want them to be happy and successful and to laugh more than they cry. I want to push the limits of what a good mother should be, because God entrusted me with molding these little people with their huge personalities and I don't want to set a line where on one side lies an mediocre mother and on the other side lies the mother of the year. I just want to love these boys and care for them in the best manor that I can achieve.
Unfortunately, at times I have no idea just what that is.
When I signed on the dotted line I had no clue just how hard this whole parenting thing would actually be. I mean it sounds great, snuggling up with a sweet baby or two all of the time and having a little bundle to love and take care of. But more than that, for the first time in my life, along with a baby came the immense responsibility of being the one to actually make the rules and set the boundaries for our family, boundaries that have the ability to shape our lives.
It's been a daunting task, of course, because that's not how I was raised. There never really were rules. I was always a self sufficient child, happy to be alone and playing in my bedroom with my barbies. But my boys are not me and they need more direction that I did. They need affection and encouragement, love and hugs, and mother who does silly dances with them and who gets down on their hands and knees with them and builds floor to ceiling Lego towers; a mom who knows that even though we have fun we have guidelines in our house that keep up safe and happy.
Eventually we got into the swing of things though - we keep our toys in the bedroom or the playroom, not in the living room, we watch these cartoons and not these ones, we pick up our toys before we pull any more out, we say our prayers before dinner every night no matter if we're home or out to eat, we keep out elbows off the table because the littlest ones should not take up the most space, and we don't make annoying noises that drive mommy up a wall.