Friday, January 21, 2011

I Was Made For This

I used to be a dreamer. A really big dreamer. There were things that I wanted out of life, and although I had no plan on how to actually achieve any of them, they were firm in my imagination all the same. I made lists, wrote out goals, and pictured everything about how my future would be.

I was so naive.
But really, aren't we all just a little bit when we're teenagers just on the brink of being let out into the big bad world?

I grew up in a working class family who just happened to live in an upper middle class neighborhood. Granted we lived in a townhouse (that my parents and brothers still live in to this day), but certain assumptions were always made about me based on where I lived and the school that I went to. And certain expectations were forced on me, confusing the (pardon my french) hell out of me.

My dreams, at the time, were sensible, rational dreams. Go to a good college and get a degree in Creative Writing/Poetry with a teaching certificate. Eventually get my Masters. Find a great apartment, get a fabulous job, meet a good and steadily employed man, get married and have 2.5 babies. It was the American Dream. It took me awhile of being confused and saturated with outside influences until I realized that it wasn't my dream. Not one single aspect of it.

A lot of the people in the picture below probably see me as a failure, that girl who took the Honors and the AP classes to fast track her future only to end up in the next town over from where I grew up stuck at home with no career and two kids.

But you see, I was made for this.

And I don't have to tell you other moms just how in love with my family I am. I am so happy in the choices that I've made.

So I look on that senior picture of mine at that seventeen year old girl and I smile. I wish I could go back in time to save her the confusion and heartache of finding her place in the world. Because she's going to be ok. She's going to be more than ok. She'll be happy, and loved, and depended upon.

And don't be afraid to plant those roots down deep.

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Heidi said...

Just love this. :)

Chana said...

I simply adore this. Just beautiful!

Nen said...

God knows just what we need and what is best!! :) I tried to force myself to go to college... but it wasn't where my heart was! it took me awhile, but i'm right where i should be... and that's pretty great!
i'm glad you're right where you're supposed to be!!

AlyGatr said...

You were just plain adorable...and still are. OK maybe it's because I'm an old fart with 20 years between me and the 17 year old me, but especially since my reunion, I learned that just about everyone ended up where they were meant to be. You are an intelligent, talented, loving woman with a wonderful family. So did you follow the path you expected, maybe not. I bet if you run into most of the people you went to high school with, you'll eventually learn not all of them ended up the where they thought they were going. You are right, you are right where you were meant to be!

Ashley said...

This post made me cry, but in a good way. I simply adore your outlook on life, and the choices you have made over the years.

Beka said...

Love love love this, dear!